Exploding Beer Kegs

With the holidays fast approaching, many of you will have thoughts that turn to beer. This is a story for all of you.

Exploding Beer Kegs Close Interstate
Driver Heard Noise, Saw Smoke, Pulled Over, Police Say
POSTED: 11:12 am EDT June 18, 2008

LAS VEGAS -- The Wednesday morning commute was delayed thanks to hundreds of exploding beer kegs. During the early-morning hours, a truck driver was carrying 278 kegs of beer on Interstate 15 southbound near the Flamingo Road exit when he started to hear noises from the bed of the truck, said Bob McKenzie with the state's Department of Transportation.
When he looked in his rearview mirror, McKenzie said he started to see smoke. The driver pulled over to the side of the freeway and exited the vehicle, just before the kegs started to explode, reported Fox 5 News in Las Vegas. Police closed the southbound onramps at Flamingo Road and Spring Mountain Road to clean up the spill. The carbon dioxide in the kegs caused the explosions, police said. No one was injured during the incident.


Bob and Doug McKenzie, of Second City fame
Are back out on the roads again (but they only gave Bob’s name)
Somewhere out near Vegas with a truck of their “Strange Brew”
These Canadian misfits were simply driving through
But the truck that they were driving shook the beer that they were tottin’
And all at once – explosions – which are everywhere verboten
Hundreds of the kegs were popping off their top
Bob pulled the big rig over and brought it to a stop
Motorists all around them stopped to volunteer
With containers that they had on hand, they tried to save the beer
But even out in Vegas, the house will always win
Bob and Doug were losing beer; they had to call it in
The cops closed up the interstate to clean up what was spilled
No mention of the cost was given or who in fact was billed
But Bob and Doug McKenzie made it safely through the fray
When interviewed on camera all they had to say was “eh”

Mdailey
06/19/08

A Goat

I was down in NC this past weekend and it reminded me of a story told of one of my future neighbors. It really happened this way from what I was told.


A GOAT


Going out for a while so I grabbed my coat
Opened the door – on my porch was a goat
A goat? Said my wife. A goat’s what I said
Like a big shaggy dog with horns on his head
So I called the cops – dialed up 911
I said to the cops, “you’d best come on the run
For out on my porch (here you’d best take a note)
Is a four-legged white thing I think is a goat
Has there been a bank robbery (come on you can tell)
This goat looks suspicious and guilty as hell”
When the cops stopped their laughing, they said with a wink
Had I been out in the sun, maybe too much to drink
Did I really expect them to drop what they’re doing
For a billy goat out on my porch just a chewing
But cops said they’d be there and they’d bring a rope
So I stood in the doorway feeling just like a dope
For out on my porch was a gentle old goat
And I stood just shaking still holding my coat
Afraid to go out with this Billy Goat Gruff
This story is true, you can’t make up this stuff
And where was my wife while I made the call
Laughing her head off just down the hall
Making fun of my posture, my stature, my stance
It’d just serve her right if she wet her pants.


Mdailey
06/07/08

Cookies in the News

N-E-S-T-L-E-S
Nestles has a deadly pest
Health officials all decry
Nestles’ bout with E-Coli
Product recalls have begun
Nestles’ name is on the tongue
But all the experts in the know
Say just don’t eat the Tollhouse dough
If you do and your tummy rumbles
That’s just the way the cookie crumbles

Mdailey - 6/21/09

Toad Stool

Hi! My name is Tipper
And I’m just a little pup
I don’t know what is going down
And I never know what’s up
But playing in the backyard
Of my own abode
I saw a brown and bumpy thing
They say it was a toad
I had never seen one
I did not know what to think
I crept up real close to it
To see if it would stink
I stared – he stared
I think we both were stumped
I twitched – he twitched
Then all at once he jumped
He lit upon my back – I yelped
I mean – what can I say
He turned off towards the bushes
And briskly hopped away
My master stood there laughing
I felt like such a fool
I left a little pile behind
She called that my toadstool

Mdailey - 6/18/09

I wrote this for Kristy (Glanton) McKeag and her dog Tipper following just such an instance.

Uncooked Tomatoes

With summer now on us and gardens greening up I thought it time to bring up this little song I wrote. I can't write music but the tune is in my head. I hope you all enjoy your tomatoes this year.
Mike

Uncooked Tomatoes

Uncooked Tomatoes, uncooked tomatoes
Gotta keep away from uncooked tomatoes

You get them in your salsa; you get them in your salad
With Salmonella poisoning we could write a ballad
About
Uncooked tomatoes, uncooked tomatoes
Gotta keep away from uncooked tomatoes

Hundreds have been stricken; two were in Virginia
Salmonella kills you if you get enough within ya
OF
Uncooked tomatoes, uncooked tomatoes
Gotta keep away from uncooked tomatoes

Gotta keep reminding folks to cook them babies down
‘Cause big and red and ripe one’s where Salmonella’s found
In
Uncooked tomatoes, uncooked tomatoes
Gotta keep away from uncooked tomatoes

But a burger’s not a burger without this bright red fella
And the E Coli will kill ya, before the Salmonella

Uncooked tomatoes and ground tainted meats
Gotta keep away from these culinary treats

MDailey

Salmonella in Tomatoes: An outbreak of salmonella initially linked to uncooked tomatoes has reached Virginia. US health officials say two people in Virginia are among the more than 100 in a dozen states that reportedly have been infected with the same strain of salmonella. That strain has been traced to 71 reports of the illness in Texas and New Mexico since April. Thirty-four people in 10 states have also been infected with the same strain. Nineteen people have been hospitalized by the food poisoning. There have been no deaths (to date). An investigation by health authorities tied those cases to uncooked, raw, large tomatoes. Tests are under way to determine if the Virginia cases are linked

Suspected E. coli Causes Burger Recall: USDA recalls 10-pound vacuum-packed plastic bags of ground beef and 10-pound boxes of patties sold by Dutch Meats of Trenton, NJ over suspect E Coli contamination.

Not A Bad Day for a Golden Retriver

The dog of a friend of ours sent us a note saying she had a run in with a skunk and a snake and was still getting cleaned up at 4 in the morning. I put her story to rhyme.

Not A Bad Day

What a day to remember
In just 12 short hours
I’ve been to the vet
And had numerous showers
I stepped over a snake
He reached up and bit me
I encountered a skunk
And then his spray hit me
I guess I was lucky
The snake’s fangs were too short
To get through my fur
For a poison transport
But my generous coat
Has it’s bad side as well
It can soak up skunk spray
And holds on to that smell
The smell of peroxide
And a vinegar bath
Might drive a mom crazy
And bring out her wrath
But mom’s not upset
I took one for the team
That snake could have bit her
In the woods by that stream

So it’s 4AM
And mom’s drying me off
And the smell of my coat
Is making her cough
But she’s willing to stay up
Out here in the dark
Cause I saved her butt
Today at the park
I may be slow
And an underachiever
But that’s not a bad day
For a Golden Retriever

Mdailey – 06/08/09

Commentary on Teachers & Scientific Research

Move Over Mickey

Move Over Mickey – the headlines read
There is a new mouse the Germans have bred
They’ve altered the brain in their little head
They may get them to talk just like Mr. Ed

In order to speak the way humans do
We must have a gene in our DNA goo
That alters our brain so the signals come through
That gene is now known as the FOXP2

So Wolfgang said “I must put this in mouses
The ones in our labs like the ones in your houses
And we’ll marry them up with like-altered spouses
And my mouse will be better than that dumbkoff Klause’s”

So researchers at the Max Planck Institute
Spliced a few genes into a gene soup
Put it into the mouse DNA goop
And are waiting to see what their efforts recoup

So far they admit they have not reached perfection
But see a bit stronger ganglia connection
In all of the mice they have now in their collection
But none of them speaking has been in detection

But it’s lowered the pitch in the baby mouse squeaking
And with each generation it seems to be peaking
So maybe with just a little more tweaking
A new Mickey Mouse will be actually speaking

Mdailey - 06/01/09
These were written for all of you that do not keep up with scientific research like I do!

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Reading, Writing & Robots

The three Rs never were three Rs
No matter what they say
They were reading, writing & arithmetic
From way back in my day
But the three Rs now are changing
From what I understand
They are reading, writing & Robots
At least now in Japan

They’ve automated teaching
Set a robot at the board
She walks and talks as teacher
Within her, data’s stored

She’s a walking, talking teaching tool
And not that bad a looker
She’ll keep the boys perked up at school
If the school boards will book her
She’ll save the school board money
A fact we can’t refute
She’ll shut down for the weekends
And on Monday’s she’ll reboot

They’ve automated teaching
And the cost’s not out of reach
She’s an expert at – well – everything
There ain’t nothing she can’t teach

But here’s the rub right from the start
The children won’t be loved
If they fall down and skin their knees
They won’t be simply hugged
They won’t feel the human kindness
That good teachers now impart
She’s just a walking, talking teaching tool
This teacher has no heart

They’ve automated teaching
And at first I thought it cool
But I don’t want an automated manikin
To teach my kids in school

Mdailey / 06-01-09