Limericks

Growing up, my Mom would trade limericks with me and the style has always been one of my favorites. Some months ago, the Washington Post ran a contest asking for limerick that featured words starting with DA. I entered and actually won some recognition with one of them. You may have to look up some of the words if you do not know their true definition. If you just want to break up your day, these are a lot of fun.


I entered the contest quite gaily
I said to my self – “self don’t fail me”
I can use my own name
In this limerick game
Submitted to you from Mike Dailey

There once was a sheerer who’d gag
When sheering the sheep who would drag
Their rear ends through dung
Until it all clung
Dung matted wool’s know as a dag

There once was a French riot keen
To let royalty know what they mean
They just couldn't wait
To decapitate
The king, the queen and the dauphin

There once was a Roman who’d swagger
Whose enemies thought him a bragger
So they shortened his life
With a short little knife
Now known as the Et-Tu-Bru dagger

There once was a pervert named Randal
Whose problem he thought he could handle
The police had to nab
When he started to dab
While doing a quick little dandle

On TV a recurring theme
In a courtroom the jury will deem
The bad guy was there
By one strand of hair
Or the dactylogram found at the scene

She once had a motherly role
Of fixing my sock’s gaping hole
With a colorful yarn
And needle she’d darn
Until cataracts all took their toll

A ticket I can not afford
And so I have turned to the Lord
Only three inches tall
He watches it all
From his vantage point on my dashboard

There has to be some fire station
Somewhere to be found in this nation
That has a Dachshund
They got from the pound
Instead of the usual Dalmatian

There once was a girl I did court
But the wedding she chose to abort
When I thought myself dandy
She thought me too randy
And jumped up off our davenport

The dahlia’s a flower divine
The daisy a dainty design
They’re both in my dwelling
Because they’re great smelling
Unlike that lawn weed – Dandelion

There once was this fabulous dame
Whose origin made her a Dane
We shared a dance
And a quick dalliance
Now my Danish don’t taste quite the same

A brain freeze can sure make you scream
When eating too fast your ice-cream
I won’t let that faze me
Though the pain will sure daze me
Each time at the old Dairy Queen

It once was a virtual non-starter
And I fear we’ve gotten no smarter
We’re in a big jam
And we can’t build a dam
If they spy the elusive Snail Darter

This next one got honorable mention in the Washington Post Contest

Like a lamb being led to the slaughter
Or a clam in the hands of an otter
I haven’t a chance
When she gives me that glance
Yes, alas I’m a Dad with a daughter

As the sweet smell came into my nose
It tickled my fancy and toes
Reminds me of you
And the sweet morning dew
It’s the fragrance of sweet Damask Rose

I dabble on my windowsill
To grow a great daffodil
But the room is so dank
They all rotted and stank
The experience wasn’t a thrill

If you can’t drink your milk, its lactology
Caused by a problem bactology
But the winner hands down
For those lacking in sound
Are the flying fingers doing dactylology

It’s a receipt I often mangle
The ingredients all twist and tangle
Its my sandwich of choosing
Though the balance I’m losing
My Dagwood’s at such steep an angle

I once thought myself a mere pawn
Like an ornament out on the lawn
Should my entry win
I’d sport a big grin
As the new day started to dawn

My girlfriend’s a beauty – no bull
A sight to behold – an eye full
But to see her all nude
I’m telling you dude
This damsel will really dazzle

There once was a duck out of Disney
Donald’s his name should you quiz me
And that Warner cartoon
Daffy Duck - quite a loon
And both can be found down in Kissimmee

I once called this guy a Dago
His dander was ready to blow
His teeth – they did sparkle
His thoughts – they were darkle
So I quick ran away don’t you know

There once was a man with much dandruff
Whose skin simply shed all this stuff
Thought he’d be smart
Shave his head as a start
But even that wasn’t enough

The Webster’s I used was quite small
The challenge to me – use them all
Not all are PC
But they’re precious to me
It’s the dastardly Empress’ call

Mdailey
08/12/08